Why Heartbreaks are Inevitable
I learned in economics of unlimited wants, humans insatiable appetite for things. We never get enough because there is always something else that we need or want. Just off this fact you can already tell that you are forced to meet disappointments at some point in your life. As social creatures, we yearn to interact and socialize with others and this quarantine times will have proven that to be true. Love is something we receive unconditionally when we are born but when we grow up, certain factors enter into play but the most determining of these factors is what we become at the end of it. When you grow up, people love you because of one reason or the other and before you know it, you have certain groups of friends, you like certain persons and dislike others and so on. Some persons have large groups of friends while others don’t have any friends at all and this all comes down to character, are they compatible or not. In a classroom where you have to spend a lot of time with different persons, it’s easy for you to judge and see with whom you best fit and sometimes you have to find a balance or compromise with others, but once you get into the wide world, it becomes difficult to accurately judged the characters of everyone. That’s why finding love can be so difficult, not everyone grew up with the same mentality or in the same context and even though we might be sharing common understandings on certain things, we might differ drastically on others. Why would people who have been in a relationship for several years all of a sudden split, I think it comes down to a single little difference of opinion, place under very specific conditions our reactions can differ. A man might slap his girlfriend, a woman might cheat or you didn’t measure the weight of monotonous relationship. Those differences are what ultimately separate us and it is the most obvious in long distance relationships, you never know the other person as well as you might think you do.
Our expectations aren’t always the same for the other as well as for ourselves and our definition of relationships often differ from one another. What you might think you want from a relationship might not be exactly what the other person expects and our wants tend to be insatiable. You want the other person to be perfect, you want the other person to be a little more beautiful, a little less fat, a little more this and that and all these disappointments often build up to give us dissatisfaction. It is incredibly difficult to find a soul mate and most relationships out there are just two people putting up with each other. There is always a flaw you don’t like about the other person, something he or she could have done better or differently and with the passage of time things don’t get any better. It’s a journey, you don’t know what you will meet on the way, this journey keeps changing you and the other person as well and you have to learn all the way.
Finding the Ideal person
I recall being in love with very beautiful girls all the time but growing up I discovered that most of them were very materialistic which didn’t go inline with my own character. In the other way, some girls were also in love with me but it wasn’t a mutual feeling so the disappointment and the heartbreaks just kept on pilling. How do you imagine your future wife to be, is it a beautiful person or do you prioritize her character? Do you want her to be literate and successful or you don’t care? Should she be white or black? All the definition you could probably give would evidently not be the case once you meet her, first because it would be rare to find that person who has all those criteria and secondly because we never really know what we actually want, our desires change all the time, and we discover new things every day which change our perspective of things. Finding that ideal person is difficult and before that you have to go through a lot of heartbreaks, people you thought were what you want but who later turned out not to be. How else would you know, you can’t tell off the first look that will be your soul mate, it is not written on their faces nor their Facebook profiles that she is the one for you or he is the perfect match. Some guys may be here for fun while other girls might be here for money, some might be here for the long run while others might want something else, there is nothing to make that perfect match between two persons. There comes that inevitable time when a character different through an action either instant or prolonged leads to the nearly traumatic moment of breakup. I won’t sit here and try to justify one party or the other or even say I understand anything of your circumstances but I can tell you I understand a little of your pain.
Who is in the wrong?
From experience, I know women love way more than men, they are naturally designed to care and be codependent. Sometimes I wonder how they do to recover from breakups, the feeling is close to trauma. Men on the other hand feel fewer attachments and are at some level designed to be solitary beings, they do things how they want till the moment when they find some attachment which changes their perspective. Statistics about who causes the most breakups will vary between countries but with men having the leading role in a relationship, it is undoubtedly them who cause the most breakups.
I don’t have a recipe to heartbreaks but it is true that time heals some wounds. Lower your expectations of those whom you love and don’t put your full confidence in any person. Always remember that things can change anytime uncontrollable of your desires or wishes.